This month I saw an amazing performance by New Visions: Alliance to End Violence in Asian/Asian American Communities.  This community-based theater group stages scenes in which a husband is verbally abusing his wife in front of family and friends, and then invites audience members to stop the action, step onto the stage in the role of a secondary character, and speak up.

In one re-play, a man stepped into the role of the abusive husband’s friend and spoke to him earnestly, firmly, and kindly about his behavior.  In another, audience members spoke about the power of the mother-in-law in many southeast Asian families, and their desire to see that character break silence in support of her daughter-in-law.

Placing all the responsibility on the victim for ending violence doesn’t work (although of course many survive and manage to get out even without family support). 

Placing all the responsibility on the perpetrator may be ethically or legally accurate, but it also obscures the roles of those in his family and his community who taught him how to abuse women.

And that brings me to this incredible link.  It’s a self-defense project based in a Nairobi, Kenya community with local instructors.  I was enjoying their page of success and survival stories, when I ran across an amazing testimonial from a mother-in-law (Mary Wangui, third story down) fearlessly protecting her daughter from her son.

On August 31, 2008 two young women successfully defended themselves against attempted abduction here in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  Both women were out jogging in a normal, safe, residential neighborhood in a wealthy small town in the Midwest.  The 20 year old fought off a man who jumped out of the bushes.  Later that evening, the same man grabbed a 16 year old and forced her into his van.  She fought back and jumped out.  Both young women probably saved their own lives with brilliant quick thinking, courage, and a fast and forceful response.

Here’s the story in the Ann Arbor news.  May I recommend that you skip the lengthy comments section?  Not surprisingly, the public commentary on these success stories provides a perfect example of victim blaming, hatred of women and girls, and really bad self-defense information.

Lousy Self-Defense Pseudo Tip #1:
Don’t jog at night.

Reality:
The majority of attacks are by men you know, attacking you indoors during daylight hours.  If you’re really concerned about assault and trying to better your odds - you should feel most relaxed outside, alone, at night.

Lousy Self-Defense Pseudo Tip #2:
Females should never be alone.

Reality:
Uhmmm…. What planet are you living on?  No one, male or female, has the option to never be alone!  What is this – the ancient Greek model for protecting women?

These ridiculous suggestions (which seem to always be accompanied by outrage and a false sense of superiority) remind me of a friend of mine in high school.  She’d seen a movie once in which someone drove off a bridge, was trapped in the car by her seatbelt, and drowned.

She never wore a seatbelt again.

The self-defense equivalent is to shout at women “Never go out alone at night!”  It lends a false sense of security at best and at worst tells girls and women that they’re bad for leaving the house and have caused their own attack.

Jogging doesn’t cause rape.
Being alone doesn’t invite abduction.
Women don’t cause men to attack them by flaunting themselves on the sidewalk.

And seatbelts don’t cause traffic fatalities.

The best defense against attacks?  Fight back like they did!

Herding Cats

Some would say that trying to get self-defense instructors to work together on a project is like trying to herd cats.  My theory is that we who enter this field tend to be independent, controlling, a little rigid, perhaps a bit defensive?  I’ve had professional experience working with surgeons as well, and I see a lot of similarities.  Teaching self-defense can be an intense field, fraught with adrenaline, a desire to rescue, and a lot of contact with those who’ve had their lives threatened.

So perhaps surprisingly, I really enjoyed a gathering of my people last week - the Association for Women’s Self-Defense Advancement held their annual meeting in Greenville, South Carolina this year.  AWSDA (the acronym that makes everyone sound like a New Yorker) has members across the US, Canada, the UK, as well as Germany, Zimbabwe, and Afghanistan!  If you’re looking for a class, you can search the AWSDA database for instructors in your area.

Setting aside the requisite drama and schisms, I met some wonderful people and learned a ton.  I got to practice some old techniques, learn new ones, ask other instructors what’s working for them and share what’s working for me.  And I was thrilled to teach a class on trauma and some of the gifts and challenges of teaching self-defense to survivors of violence.

Where else but AWSDA can you find energy workers, therapists, NRA members, cops, cage fighters, martial artists, feminists, and social workers working toward a common goal?  As Bernice Johnson Reagon said in 1981:

 “…[working with others] is not necessarily nurturing. It is coalition building. And if you feel the strain, you may be doing some good work…Most of the time you feel threatened to the core and if you don’t, you’re not really doing no coalescing…..There is no hiding place. There is nowhere you can go and only be with people who are like you. It’s over. Give it up.”  Her speech is at that link in its entirety and it moves me to this day.

So if you’re a personal safety proponent, I hope you’ll consider joining AWSDA.  And no matter what your field, I hope you’ll keep helping to build coalitions.